Let’s Bring Back Conversation

Before I get to my main topic today, I want to tell you that this week you will not find an update to my “weekly tidbit”, “weekly photo”, or “book” pages. This is because I will be in NE, helping my siblings to clean out the folks’ house – round 2. (That means it is our second visit…not that we are in the ring.)  I can write my blog and save it as a draft to post  later, but I’m unable (or haven’t figured out how) to save the other pages to post at a future time. All pages will be updated the following week.

The skill of conversing seems to be taking a back seat to cell phones, I-pads, music devices, and some of those other gadgets I don’t even know the names of. I’m speaking to myself here as well. I’m a 60 plus year old cell phone junkie too. So much so, that I have to use discipline not to be obnoxiously tied to my phone. And to tell you the truth, I don’t do a very good job of it. For instance, I should stuff my phone underneath the heavy bath towels in the bathroom and close the door during meal times so I’m not tempted to answer the text tweets, but I don’t.  And I’m sure my husband wishes I would limit myself to  one turn of “Words with Friends” and “Trivia Crack” in the evenings, but I don’t do that either. My biggest concern is that we are loosing the skill of conversing. It seems some are just as happy playing on their gadgets than having a  conversation with the person sitting right beside them. (Sorry, dear.)  We loose a lot when we don’t talk with others. Anytime we have a conversation with someone, we are enlightened in some way. I decided this week to concentrate on being a better conversationalist and I started by looking at those I consider to be great at it. One of the best conversationalists I know is my friend Michele. I thought about her skill and what that entails. First of all, if face to face, she uses direct eye contact and her body language is warm and welcoming – as if I’m the only person on earth that day and she’s ready to listen. If we are sitting at a table, she leans forward towards me as if to say she can’t wait to hear the entire story. Once I start the story, she listens. If the conversation slows, she asks questions that I can’t answer with a simple “yes” or “no” and gets the momentum going again. Probably the best piece of “conversational advice” is something I heard from Dr. James Dobson on “Focus on the Family” over 25 years ago. I thought it was such a valuable piece of information that I taught it to my children as they were growing up. Dr. Dobson told his radio audience that having conversations was like playing catch with a ball. One person “throws out” the conversation as if throwing a ball to the other person. Then it’s that person’s responsibility to catch it, respond, and throw the conversation back with an open ended statement that keeps the ball going. And thus it goes…back and forth. I have often thought since, how this would be such a useful tool for speech and English teachers to be teaching their students. That way not only a few that had listened to Dr. Dobson would know the technique, but  everyone would know how to keep a conversation alive. How often have you been in a conversation with someone, who grunts and looks back to the game they are playing on their cell phone? Often we start a conversation, but it threatens to die. Combining general remarks with open ended questions will deter the dying process. For example, instead of just saying, “My, that’s a beautiful dress,” consider saying, “Wow, where did you get such a beautiful dress?” I like it when people use my name now and then when they are talking to me. It seems more personal and I get the feeling they care about me. A light touch to my shoulder can do the same thing. I certainly don’t always do all of these things I’ve mentioned above, but I am becoming more conscious of them and do try to incorporate many of the techniques into my conversations with people. We can’t change people, but we can work on ourselves. If you will keep on readin’, I’ll keep on writin’.

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