A “Short” Misunderstanding

It never changed through thirteen years of school. I was always the most vertically challenged person in my class. By the time I was in 5th grade, I no longer had to wait for the music teacher to tell me where to stand for the annual Christmas concert – I marched to my position – left lower row, outside corner.

Children are inclined to gloat when they surpass the height of their same sex parent – We and most do. Studies have shown that boys typically rise 1-2% higher than their fathers and girls tower over mothers by 3-6 %. As much as it would have pleased me to be one of those statistics, it wasn’t in my bucket. Somehow, my percentage was dumped in my sister’s bucket who surpasses our mother’s 5’2″ by at least 4 inches.

Needless to say, I’ve heard my share of “short jokes” and/or not so subtle insinuations related to my stature. Grade school classmates affectionately called me Shrimp. My high school classmates razzed me about the stack of pillows I needed to see over the steering wheel.  And, as an adult there were incidents that happened, too. Let’s see…I was nearly kicked out of the hometown Home Show when I came home for a visit from college. I had sailed past the sign at the door…ANYONE 12 YEARS OR AGE OR YOUNGER MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY AN ADULT.  Home Show Security (the business owner at the first booth) confronted me. I whipped out my driver’s license and found it quite rewarding to watch his response. And…when I was six months pregnant and already in what seemed like full bloom, I was given a pair of  size 13 men’s shoes as a gag gift at our hospital Christmas party. “So you can see your toes, again,” the presenter announced. Then theirs my cowboy nephew who’s built like two  fence posts upended on each other, that has affectionately dubbed me “Shorty” and doesn’t want to let me forget it. There’s even been an occasional positive experience.  It’s not every 30 year old that still has candy passed to them through the drive-through window at the bank. (Did not apply if I was driving.)

For the most part, I handle these things with grace, but occasionally something hits me wrong.  So it was, one day when I was working as an orthopedic clinic nurse in Laramie, WY. We had several satellite clinics that we flew to. The surgeons employed their own full-time pilot, and Randy was a personable young fellow. It was his duty to keep us safe in the skies. Randy took his job seriously; if he didn’t think it was safe to fly, we didn’t.

This particular day we were headed to Fort Morgan, Colorado. Randy didn’t always come to the clinic before heading to the airport, but this morning he did. I was on one of the several phones in the hallway with the Fort Morgan personnel as Randy came up the hallway.  He realized, by the course of the conversation that I was talking to the Fort Morgan folks. He waited for me to finish, and when I hung up we took off down the hall together. We chit-chatted for a minute or two, but then out of the blue, Randy peers down over his mustache and says, “How’ s the weather down there?”

I threw out my arm with more force than you would imagine a 5 foot, small framed woman would possess, and landed it squarely across Randy’s abdomen. He gave an “umpf” as he bent forward, astounded at what I had just done. After regaining his balance, Randy stared at me like I owed him an explanation. No worries – I had already planned to give him one. “Randy,” I said with lips pinched, “I get short jokes all the time, and this morning I’m in no mood.” (Most likely due to the fact that the Fort Morgan personnel had 5 more patients on their roster list than I did; charts I would have to locate within the next 10 minutes.)

Randy shook his head as if clearing the cobwebs from the crevices. “Oh, I get it,” he finally said, starting to laugh. This hyped my irritation even more.  I found myself glaring at this pompous man who dared to laugh at my expense. Amid continued chuckles, Randy was just about to return a well deserved surprise to me.  “I just wanted to know what the weather was like in Fort Morgan.”

Oh crap…if there had been a thorn bush nearby, I would have crawled under it.  Of course…it all made sense NOW. With less than a half hour to be in the air, Randy’s mind was focused on weather. Only then did I remember the severe weather warnings I had heard on the way to work that morning.

Wow…how easy it was to misunderstand Randy’s intentions! I’m willing to bet it’s happened to all of us at one time or another – either we misunderstood someone or they misunderstood us. I couldn’t get around it – I crawled out from under the thorn bush and apologized.

The Message Bible had not been published when this story took place.  But, had it been and had I taken Proverbs 8:25 to heart, it may have saved me a bucketful of embarrassment.  Don’t jump to conclusions – there may be a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw (or heard in my case).

Until next month (I publish on the first Monday of the month) keep on readin’ and I’ll keep on writin’.

If you enjoy this style of writing, check out my book page to find out how you can get my Christian Fiction novels.